Durt Michaels

Basic Info
Age - 30

Height - 6'2"

Weight - 315 pounds

Hair color - Brown

Early Life
After banging out one fetal alcohol syndrome baby into the world, Vurt and Bessie believed it to be time for another - getting high on various opioids and having unprotected sex for 15 hours just to be sure conception occurred.

Growing up alongside Kurt, the two shared a sibling rivalry that stretched into nearly every aspect of their lives up until high school. Durt would often wake up at sunrise to get in practice with a silenced BB gun - trying to upstage his brother's natural shooting talents, but never able to beat the speed and accuracy Kurt could provide. Feeling an unworthy child to his deadbeat parents, Durt began to overeat himself into a hulking husk of empty ambition, until one day, while being mugged in the streets of Dick, MI, his weight proved effective in knocking over the attacker faster than he could usually finish a large Dominos pizza. Realizing his true calling, Durt took to his high school gym and began lifting heavy weights every single day, eating upwards of 13,000 calories a day on average across 3 meals. Relying on the Dollar Menu of various restaurants to achieve his self-made diet he learned from an online fitness message board, it wasn't long before the once forgotten brother to become one of the most formidable physical forces in all of the United States. If his width did not bar him from entering most military vehicles and barracks, the US Army would have considered him a prime candidate for enlistment when he reached the proper age.

Present Day
Durt currently lives in Whitesville, New Jersey where he owns his own construction business, the unique selling point of which is its avoidance of hiring illegal immigrants. Currently, his income is above 6 figures, and, due to his affiliation with low-income housing and ghetto desires, means that the local pizza shops, delis, and fast food restaurants are ensured to never go out of business. Durt's next plans are to reconnect with his family and treat them to a nice Steakums dinner with PBR and tater tots on the side if he can ever find a phone big enough for his fingers to fit on.

Relationships
Gurt Michaels- Durt dearly loves his brother, and upon hearing of his whereabouts quickly rushed to BigCity along with his brother Kurt. Durt often remarks that Gurt got the brains in the family, while he got the looks.

Kurt Michaels- Despite their childhood rivalry, the two brothers are willing to look past their differences if the situation calls for it. Although they often step on each other's toes, the two truly love one another as family.

Vurt Michaels- Durt, along with his brothers, were abused by their father growing up. Durt took upon copious amounts of junk food as his way of coping with the abuse, only to find it adding more fuel to the fire. Vurt often ridiculed Durt for his weight, making him very insecure about it.

Fluffy Sackson- While Fluffy finds Durt annoying, Durt looks at Fluffy as one of his own and often calls him "boss". To express his gratitude of harboring his beloved brother, Durt gave Fluffy 12% ownership of his construction company, and considers him "the only Chinese person I like". Compared to his brothers, Fluffy is the most tolerant of Durt, as he finds his gluttonous nature and unintentionally humorous remarks entertaining. Despite usually being peeved by ignorance and idiocy, Fluffy finds Durt's rudimentary intellect somewhat endearing.